Now look at me I'm sparkling. A firework, a dancing flame.


-I'm sick. I have a fever that won't go away, my body aches all over, I sound horrible and every time I cough, it feels like I'm trying to cough up rocks.

-I have to go to a graduation party today (late i know) i really don't want to, but every time I don't go to stuff my family thinks I'm avoiding them. i'm not, sometimes I just don't feel like going. 

-no work from either jobs so that's a plus. i need to get better though because i go to both tomorrow.

-i need to see Katy's movie. i can't even take it anymore.

-i have to go to another bbq on saturday. ugh don't want to do that either. why won't my mother just let me be anti social?

that's all. have a great day f-list. 

I think I feel a little hurt. My fists are turning coal to diamonds.

Hi f-list. 

I don't really have much to talk about but I hate feeling like I've abandoned this journal. I really haven't; I still read your entries and know what's going on with y'all. but anyway, i have a job interview tomorrow. I hope I get this because i'm really REALLY sick of my job now. going there is a chore to me and that's a shame because i actually don't mind going to work. i just feel like i have beyond overstayed my welcome. the only thing keeping me there is that, it's a job and if i quit i won't have anything. the job i'm interviewing for doesn't have any benefits but it is full time which is what i need about now. when my mom does a month at her job she'll get benefits so maybe i can get on with hers. if not, i guess i'll have to find something...idek. that's such a scary feeling to think "i can't get sick. i can't get hurt because i have no way to pay for my medication or aid." it just sucks. 

mom and i have started going back to the gym. i forgot how much i loved going to the gym and just running. we didn't stay too long yesterday, but we'll be going back wednesday and friday so maybe i'll work a little harder then. i've been trying to do some ab type exercises because that's what i need lol. 

that's about it i guess. i've been pretty meh with life as of right now but i'm still smiling :D
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    indifferent indifferent
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You drive me crazy, I just can't sleep

seriously, I can't. Student teaching definitely keeps me up at night. but a lot of that has to to with the fact that I am an insane perfectionist and i play things (things in this case being lessons) out in my head and if I feel like it might not go right, i go into freak out mode. I tend to go into freak out mode a lot which is something i really really need to work on. i just asked my mom for some alcohol haha, so i'll be able to sleep tonight, without waking up randomly in the night. but i did take an advil pm which puts me to sleep so i'll wait for that to settle and get a good night's sleep.

anyway, i'm just annoyed because i talked to my supervisor today about my lesson tomorrow. she'll be there to observe and i have to include some sort of hands on activity. my co-op teacher told me a few weeks ago that she understands that i want to get into the hands on stuff, but to hold off until the kids actually know the material. ugh so i'm being pulled both ways. i created a lesson that incorporates both so hopefully everyone is happy. at the end of the day the one whose opinion matters is my supervisor because she is the one giving me my grade so i have to do what she says. i just want everything to go well though.

the nice part is that today one of the students was like "it's science time? yay!" i teach science and as someone who has been terrified of the subject all my life, it makes me feel amazing that someone is excited for my lessons haha.

i hope all is well with you f-list. i don't talk or comment much but i really am truly busy. i don't even go on ONTD that much. yeah i know. but i am so close to graduation, so i just need to get this done.
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    Elton John & London Community Gospel Choir - Can You Feel the Love Tonight (End Title) | Powered by

All that I needed was you. Oh girl, you're so right.

so that has a few pictures that I took. i have a bit of "Get Down" that I uploaded that i'll post too.

the show was awesome, but let me get to the point.

I TOUCHED JORDAN KNIGHT, NICK CARTER AND BRIAN LITTRELL. okay so there's a part in the show when New Kids go into the audience and stand in front of a different section. well Jordan stood in front of my section. awesome right? then i look down my aisle and he is walking up the aisle. so i put my hand out and he grabbed it haha. but i was really excited because i knew Nick and Brian were coming down my side and they did. i reached out for Nick's hand it he reached back; he also said "hi" to me but it was after i realized i was saying "hi Nick" haha. then Brian took my hand and DID NOT LET GO. omg dyinggggggggggggg. and he was looking at me while singing. and I am dead.
long story short, amazing night. just. amazing.